


Halloween Hassle - Once More With Feeling

by Rycolfan (Snarryeyes)



Category: Whose Line Is It Anyway? RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-01
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-02-23 12:17:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2547188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snarryeyes/pseuds/Rycolfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another Halloween dose of the Alpha Team, but something’s different this year…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Halloween Hassle - Once More With Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the 2011 Trick Or Treat fest on LJ, this story takes place after the events of What Darkness Conceals and is a nod to a certain episode of Buffy. In other words, a complete crack fic. ;D
> 
> Not real. No offense intended to those portrayed herein.

It was a bitterly cold October night, the moon shining down from a cloudless sky to create patches of light in the darkness through which six figures stealthily moved. A howl sounded in the distance and the group paused for a moment before continuing on their path, the rattle of concealed weapons under their coats.

“Why are we all patrolling the girls’ college again?”

“You know the score, Jeff,” Colin replied quietly. “Tonight all the young virgins are prime targets.”

“Shouldn’t we be protecting Chip, then?” Brad snickered.

A loud thwack split the night air, followed by a loud, “OW!”

“Asshole.”

“Okay, kids, break it up,” Ryan snorted. “Let’s concentrate on the job at hand.”

“You’re used to that, right, Chip?”

“Brad!”

“What?!”

“Right, we’re splitting up,” Colin said exasperatedly. “Brad, since you can’t play nicely, I want you to cover the East side with Greg tonight, and Chip can cover the South side with Jeff. Ryan and I will take the North-West.”

“Why do I feel like I just drew the short straw?” Greg muttered, as the group parted ways in three different directions.

Ryan and Colin passed under the large boughs of a tree, idly dispatching a loitering vampire before emerging on the other side to see a couple of zombies shuffling across the wide expanse of lawn towards them. Colin sighed, watching their sluggish approach.

“You’d think they’d start being a bit more creative. Why is it always groans and shuffling?”

Ryan let out a loud bark of laughter. “What do you want them to do? The Thriller video?”

Colin shrugged, clonking the nearest one on the head. “Well, it would make a nice change.”

Ryan took out the other zombie with little effort, still laughing. “I love you, Col.”

“You’d better,” Colin smirked, pulling him into an impromptu kiss. After only a moment, however, he pulled back with a frown. “Listen… do you hear that?”

“What?”

“In the distance. That beat.”

Ryan frowned too, looking towards the tree line for the source. “Probably just a Halloween party going on somewhere.”

“It’s getting louder.” Colin started moving towards the trees to investigate but then stopped abruptly, making Ryan almost collide with him. “Oh my God.”

Emerging from the trees was yet another shuffling group of zombies, but these ones had… _rhythm_. They were moving with the beat, completely synchronized if somewhat jerky. There was a loud burst of laughter from Colin’s shoulder.

“Wow, those are seriously cool costumes. I wonder where they got them.”

Colin shook his head, his superior eyesight seeing what Ryan couldn’t yet. “They’re not costumes, Ry. They’re actually zombies… dancing.”

“Uh-huh,” Ryan laughed, apparently still believing that it was all part of some elaborate joke. “Now all we need is music to go with the beat, plus someone to sing the lead vocals, and we’ll have a—“

He stopped mid-sentence as orchestral music swelled, ringing out across the moonlit grounds, and someone else stepped out of the shadows.

“You just had to say it, didn’t you?” Colin sighed.

“What the fuck? Is that Brad?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“Wow. He’s certainly throwing himself into the part.”

Brad was matching the dance moves step for step, leading the group across the grass with the moon as their spotlight. It was a grotesque yet undeniably amusing sight. As they watched, Brad opened his mouth and began to sing.

 

“It’s Halloween!  
When dark creatures rise to make you scream,  
Lock your doors and go to bed,  
Leave this night to the dead…”

 

Ryan pulled Colin back into the shadows of the trees and down to a crouching position. “Okay, what the hell is going on here?”

“I don’t know. Maybe—“ Colin paused as the music changed and another, deeper voice began to sing. He didn’t need to look to know who it was.

“Is that—“

“Jeff. Yes,” Colin cut in dismissively.

“Wha…?”

“I think we’re in the obligatory musical episode, Ry.”

For a second Ryan looked like he was going to burst out laughing again but, when Colin continued to look deadly serious, his amusement quickly transformed into alarm. “Woah! Wait just one damn minute. Episode?! Are you telling me that none of this is real?”

“Oh, it’s real alright,” Colin replied grimly, watching more shapes emerge from the shadows all around – both monsters and humans. “As real as they make it.”

Ryan was looking more confused by the minute. “Who’s they?”

Colin shrugged. “Whoever’s in charge. Damn, they must have heard what I said earlier.”

“Well, when does it end?”

“Whenever they want it to.”

Ryan closed his eyes and pressed the pads of his fingers into them, as if hoping that would make the whole thing go away, but the music was only getting louder. He dropped his hands, looking resolved.

“Okay,” he said slowly, distracted somewhat by Greg pirouetting past their position to join Jeff in an off-the-cuff duet, “… so this is a musical episode. That’s bad?”

Colin stared at him, his expression incredulous. “Of course it’s bad! You know I can’t sing or dance!”

“Well, don’t then.”

“It’s not that simple, Ry. Look!” He gestured to where Greg and Jeff were performing some sort of classic rock love song together, singing alternate and equally cheesy lines, complete with a swaying line of zombies and demons behind them. “The music is making them do that. Can you honestly see Greg doing that of his own volition?”

Ryan stared at the pair and grimaced. “Okay, I see your point… but why aren’t _we_ affected?”

“We’re not affected _yet_ ,” Colin corrected. “It looks like different music affects different people, bringing them under a kind of spell. In fact, I think we should cover our ears.” He nodded towards Greg and Jeff, who seemed to be building up to an impressive finish.

Greg had taken hold of Jeff’s hand and they were belting out the final lines together.

 

“Together we’ll fight anything,  
Because you are my everything,  
We’ll stick together as things fall apart,  
You’re safe within the beating of my heart.”

 

Ryan snorted. “I feel like we should be holding a lighter in the air or something.”

Colin shoved his elbow, covering his own ears. “This is serious, Ryan.”

“Sorry,” Ryan laughed, following Colin’s example, “I’m just finding that a little hard to believe with Sonny and Cher over there.”

Smiling despite himself, Colin suddenly spotted Chip walking towards the ‘performers’ with a completely bewildered expression. “Hey, Chip! Over here!”

Before they could get his attention, however, the music changed, the tempo slowed, and Chip’s eyes glazed over. His face transformed into a picture of earnest emotion as he began to sing.

 

“For once in my life,  
I want to be the star,  
I want to save the world myself,  
Not watch it saved from afar…”

 

Ryan, who had uncovered his ears when Chip had gone under, looked mildly impressed. “I didn’t know Chip could sing like that.”

“Hey, concentrate! We’re running out of time.”

Turning back to Colin, Ryan threw his hands up, looking stumped. “I’ve got nothing. Fighting monsters is one thing, but how do you fight music? Or some faceless, controlling entity that we can’t see?” He paused, glancing back over to the growing crowd of performers. “Maybe we just need to finish the show.”

“No!” Colin’s voice rang with a stubborn defiance. “I am not singing. There must be another way.”

“Ears!” Ryan shouted as the music began to change again, looking back over his shoulder at the scene. Another group was slowly slinking out of the shadows, teeth gleaming. Tentatively moving his hands to listen, Ryan rolled his eyes. “Great, now they’ve got the vamps doing jazz.”

Colin pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily. “Okay, let’s think this through logically. If music is the enemy, then what’s the antidote? What’s anti-music?”

“Besides you?” Ryan smirked. He received a glare in return. “Sorry, I’m thinking… honest.”

As Colin dropped his hand, something over Ryan’s shoulder caught his eye and he abruptly got to his feet. “Keep thinking. I need to go and sort something out.”

“Huh? Wait. Sort what out?” A swift glance over his shoulder told Ryan all he needed to know. Apparently the music wasn’t enough to stop the vampires from trying to feast on the human performers. To their credit, though, they were continuing to stay in tune.

 

Cursing under his breath, Colin began dispatching the troublemakers. So intent was he on his task that he didn’t hear the music change. Realization only dawned when he heard a new voice, an oh so very familiar voice, which caused a sinking feeling in his gut. Turning around, his worst fears were confirmed.

“Not you too, Ry.”

Ryan was walking slowly towards him, with what could only be described as a soppy expression, his hand reaching for Colin’s. At that moment, Colin wished that there was a wall he could bang his head against. Hard.

 

“You walk through the night,  
The world on your shoulders,  
In my world you’re the light…”

 

When Ryan reached him and took his hand, Colin pulled it free and shook him hard. “Ry, snap out of it. Please!”

But Ryan’s eyes remained scarily vacant. Colin slumped down onto the ground dejectedly as Brad, Jeff, Greg, and Chip gathered around as backing singers. There didn’t seem to be anything he could do. There was nothing to fight the music, and no-one left to help him. Unless… he stared back up at a crooning Ryan as a thought occurred to him. Maybe he _did_ have the power to stop this. It certainly seemed their only hope now.

Jumping to his feet with an expression of fierce determination, Colin took Ryan’s hand and held it tightly. Then he turned his face towards the heavens, opened his mouth, and started to sing loudly. So loudly, in fact, that his voice drowned out all those who were actually in tune. If they wanted a show-stopping number, then this was it!

 

**[Swift fade to black, and end credits.]**


End file.
